Gridlock and Beyond

So what do we do when we are in a gridlock situation and we have a desire to move past it. The following is what my husband and I do to solve issues that come up that we seem to be at an impasse with. We don't have to use this method often but when we do, it works out great.

1. Define the real issue by writing it down.

2. Take responsibility for our part in keeping the conflict going. What causes this issue to surface? What does each do that aggravates the problem? We recognize that no issue is completely one-sided.

3. Brainstorm several possible solutions to the problem. Don't evaluate them as you go, just write them down. All options are allowed at this stage. Do not stop until you have listed at least 5 solutions.

4. Try one of the solutions. Make sure you have been clear about your expectations. Who will do (or not do!) what? Be specific. "I will not get mad over..." is not a specific solution. "I will count to 10 before I speak" is more specific.

5. Set a time to evaluate your solution together. If the first solution is not working, be willing to try another solution from your list.

6. Thank each other for wanting to solve the problem. It is much easier to fight over issues than resolve them. If the issue surfaces again (and we know that perpetual issues will), remember that you are on the same team.

We actually have what is called a Solution Patch that we like to use. We cut out of paper, 6 petals about 2 inches high. We address the Gridlocked issue. Some behaviors that can be addressed are:

a. Frequency of Sex--setting the mood, privacy etc.

b. Whose putting the kids to bed.

c. A teen issue such as internet access, or curfew.

d. Who and how will finances be managed?

e. What kind of meals to fix.

We cut out a center circle for the petals to go around. We each write down 6 possible solutions for the issue at hand. We eliminate the duplicates and the ones that may be silly or unrealistic. Next, we talk about the different possibilities and prioritize them with the most popular at the top and put the second possibility clockwise next to the first one until all of the petals are around the center. Both agree to follow the solution patch to resolve the Gridlock.

                                                

                                              
Solution Patch