Should I keep trying to work it out?

     What do I do when I am trying everything possible to make it work and he/she isn't? One of the first things to remember is that you can only control you.  Specifically, you can only control what you think (how long you dwell on a thought), how you choose to feel about a certain situation or thought, and finally what you choose to do about those thoughts.

     No one can make you mad, you either choose to be mad or you choose not to be mad.  If you choose to be mad, then own it and take responsibility for your feelings.  How long do you plan on staying in this place is totally up to you.

     While we would like the other person to think like us and to make choices that are in line with our desires, that may or may not be the case.  What to do then?

     How long do you stay in a marriage when you see no sincere effort on the other side?  There are a lot of factors that may weigh into this decision.  It should never be taken lightly. Some thoughts to help in this decision may include the following:
     a. How long have you been married?
     b. Do you have children in common?
     c. Are you choosing to love them anyway (we will address this later)?
     d. Are you financially able to care for yourself?
     e. Do you have a support network?
     f. Does your spouse indicate that they have no desire to work it out?
     g. Have you prayed with your spouse daily for at least a month?
     h. Have you prayed individually on a daily basis?
     i. Are you sealed in the Temple?
     j. Is there abuse in your relationship?
     k. Have you tried marriage counseling?
     l. Are you giving 5 positives to every 1 negative interaction? This is the Key to success.

These questions are going to have a direct impact on how and what you decide to do in your relationship. I can't answer for you what you should do but it is important that you do all in your power before you sever your marriage thinking that the "Grass is Greener on the Other Side".  I can assure you that you will have weeds there too and you will have to mow it as well.  When we realize that "The Grass is Greener Where You Water It", we can refocus and sort out what we can and are willing to work on. Which couple are you going to be?

In Chapter 8 of Successful Marriages we learn that "it is important for those at the crossroads of divorce to surround themselves with a network of friends and family who will support their efforts to repair and strengthen their marriage rather than urge them to abandon the marriage."

                                                                                                                                                  

Hawkins, Alan J. and Fackrel, Tamara “ A.Should I Keep Trying to Work It Out? Sacred and Secular Perspectives on the Crossroads of Divorce” (Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2012). Chapter 3 Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.