How to have and maintain a Divorceless Marriage

You have probably heard that marriage is a 50-50 adventure.  We have since changed that thought process to believe that marriage is a 100-100 adventure.  When we only give half and expect the other to give half, we can be upside down when that doesn't happen.  In the previous blog post, I reviewed the importance of continued dating after marriage.  There are several other aspects that one needs to draw focus on such as a spiritual connection.  As we make the Savior part of each and every day, we will have the strength necessary to battle and slay the dragons that come at us. As we pray together, share our faith and deepen our friendship, we will grow and stay closer as a couple.

Dr. Randy Bott, Ph.D. has a book called Divorceless Marriage.  He speaks of the importance of communication and how vital it is in all relationships.  As we learn how to communicate, we can develop a greater love for each other which will allow us to become even better friends. 

Friendship is the glue that will hold a marriage together even when passion may dip in your relationship.  When we build any relationship on the basis of friendship, we will have that support when we need to rely on someone else the most. 

Forgiveness is also a key element in any relationship.  Learning to say you're sorry without adding a "but" in there will be sincere.  When we say "I'm sorry, but if you hadn't done XYZ...I wouldn't have done that". Instead say "I'm sorry I hurt you, please forgive me". Leave it at that and be sincere with your apology.  It doesn't matter whether you pushed them off a cliff or accidentally bumped them off, the end result is the same.  Choose your words wisely and kindly.  


Elder Bruce C. Hafen (2005, p. 76-77) teaches us that "when troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away.  They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they're receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through". Our commitment is vital in enduring all the bumps in the road that will inevitably come our way. 

In our text, (p 35, chapter 3), we are taught "Couples gradually drift apart because they lack infusions of bonding and intimacy. They become victims of the “cold gravy syndrome.” Following his counsel can help us in our quest to stay happily married. 

Bott, R. L. (1997). Divorceless marriage: put it first, make it last, Salt Lake City, UT: Millennial Press. 

 1997 Hafen, B.C. (2005). Covenant Hearts Marriage and the Joy Ofhuman Love. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book.


Duncan, Stephen F., McCarty, Sara S. Duncan, Zasukha,(Hawkins, A. J., Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. (2012). Chapter 3 Successful marriages and families: proclamation principles and research perspectives. Provo, UT: BYU Studies and School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.