In laws or Outlaws

     When couples marry they need to realize that they marry the whole entire family as well. Some may be liked and loved and some, well, not so much. At times it can be a struggle mixing the different personalities as well as the different traditions that each carry. It can almost feel like mixing cultures.

     There a lot of different agendas that need to be dealt with. Mothers can feel jealous that their daughter is moving away and that her purpose as a mother will be diminished. They may also feel as though a new daughter in law will never be good enough for her son. Fathers can sometimes feel as though no man will ever measure up to the perfect man for their daughter.

     When couples marry, they also need to deal with having a very large pair of shoes to fill. If the couples come from families where they have gotten along with their parents, the other spouse may feel a bit of a tug of war or jealousy happening when "he" says, "my mother never cooked it that way."

     A new bride and a groom want to feel independent from their immediate family which is a good thing. They must be cognizant not to exclude the extended families as this will also create hurt heartache and sorrow.

     Sometimes the In-laws can feel like the Outlaws. This is a very challenging situation that if not dealt with soon, can turn toxic and tear apart a family. Through humility and being able to put yourself in the other persons shoes, it can become easier to meld together quickly.

     I am so blessed to have the absolute best in-laws. My children have married the greatest people ever. I even picked one of my Sons in Law out for my daughter and introduced them. My daughters in law are so amazing. I couldn't love them more if I had given birth to them. My parents in law are the greatest example of what a marriage should be and they are the kindest and most non-judgmental parents ever.

     My side of the family is just as great but some of my siblings can be a bit interesting at times. My parents are so wonderful and get along great with my husband. This makes family get-togethers so much fun and void of drama.

  

                   Oh the In-Laws

And then the Out-Laws

Head and neck above the others!

     In society today, there are defined roles or purposes of one sex or the other. In families, it can be apparent that either the father or the mother may play the dominant role.


     While each may have different duties and some may overlap, one will typically dominate when decisions are to be finalized. Sometimes fathers may be viewed as the disciplinarian and mothers, the nurturers. Let’s explore some reasons why this may be the case.


     In cases where the mother is a stay at home figure, mothers are the ones who carry the baby in their body and predominantly are the care providers. Fathers may be seen as the financial support and therefore spend less time interacting with the children due to daily work schedules.


     During and especially at the end of the day, the mother is frazzled and exhausted. She is going to give in more than a father might, especially when the father hasn’t had his patience tried all day. Fathers have a deeper voice which can set the tone of “I mean business.” Mothers, by nature, have a higher pitch and softer voice. This can make it a bit more difficult to be taken seriously if there isn’t constant follow through on the part of the mother.


     Children need a balance of both types. This must be consistent, and children need to see that both parents are on the “same page.” Children may try and pit one parent against the other so they can get what they want.


     Both parents should have equal say in how things are run, however, they also need to present a “United Front” to the children.


     In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, we are teasingly told that the man is the head of the home, but the woman is the neck that turns the head. I have always thought that saying was very applicable as well as hilarious.








       Head of the home                   Neck that turns the head

     When respect is given by both parents, the children will grow up in a much happier home life and will learn the essential skills they will need when they become parents.


     The Bishop has two counselors. They each have different duties. One does not hold more Priesthood than the other or possess more power than the other. The Bishop is like Heavenly Father and the head of our families while the two counselors are like the mom and dad. Each has different responsibilities with equal power.


     It’s a great plan when used properly. The problem lies when one parent fails to treat the other as an equal.

Come On Baby Light My Fire

As we discuss the topic of sex and how it relates to the overall desire between men and women, we find many different factors that can determine their overall differences as it relates to their "sexual peak."


There are varying reports that show men and women peak at different ages. This can sometimes make it difficult for couples to "be on the same page" so to speak. In our practice when couples come in with marital issues, invariably, sexual dysfunction is a common concern. One of the major issues is that they each have a complete set of reasons why they may or may not be interested in sex at the same time.


Women, for example, have hormones that seem to get "out of whack" with having children and with breastfeeding. In a report published in Healthy women, by Susan Kellogg Spadt, Ph.D, C.R.N.P., I.F., C.S.T. (Links to an external site.)we learn that "levels of estrogen are lower while breastfeeding. Estrogen is responsible for maintaining the moistness and flexibility of the vaginal lining, so if levels drop and the lining becomes dry and stiff, intercourse may be uncomfortable. Additionally, while you're breastfeeding your body produces higher levels of the hormone prolactin, which serves to reduce sexual desire. And, finally, levels of testosterone are also lower in breastfeeding women. This "male" hormone plays a role in a woman's overall libido." https://www.healthywomen.org/content/ask-expert/1371/breastfeeding-causing-diminished-sexual-desire. (Links to an external site.)Women need sleep during this time more than they desire sex. This can be difficult for men to understand as they are feeling that they are taking a "back seat" to children. Women may also have a significant decrease in Estrogen as well as Testosterone and need to have their levels checked.


Men, on the other hand, have reasons for their own lack or decrease in sexual desire. Their financial responsibilities and amount of time that they spend working can reduce their desire as well. We see quite a few patients in our office where men complain that they have sexual dysfunction. A lot of this is a decrease in Testosterone. When this is corrected they feel better about themselves and have a renewed desire for sex.


We know that men and women need to feel close to each other and having sexual desire is one way to stay connected. Men and women peak sexually at different ages which can be another factor in staying connected. We have a handout that we use with our patients to figure out how they see their relationship sexually and their marriage overall. I have attached it in case you would like to print it for your use.
https://byui.instructure.com/files/13703538/download?download_frd=1&verifier=nRBItEHVz7FtncEfJDjVqjnQMcUKFi3x3CLNKheY


The more we feel comfortable with our spouse, the more we will open up with them and share our wants and desires sexually. My husband and I are 62 and 66 and at our "old" age we have worked through our issues and are comfortable sharing our desires.


By keeping the commandments and communicating effectively, couples can have a healthy and fulfilling sex life.